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God sees all His creation, us included,
as beautiful and worthy to be seen. |
With this new social network era, I find it interesting how many 'friends' a person accumulates and even more interesting how 'proud' some people are of the number of so called friends they have. I used to be one such person. I was actually in 'competition' with someone on facebook. And every time I saw his number increase, I would try to get more friends too. I could never surpass him though and it really annoyed me. The funny thing was, the other person didn't even know we were competing. lol
One day it occurred to me that I was becoming obsessed with a number and allowing that number to speak to my self-worth. I had to think about the truth behind the number and how many of those persons really knew me, and how many I would even
want to know me, the real me. I think life is like the facebook network sometimes. We seem to have lots of people in our world but we can still feel all alone and unknown.
Am I the only one who has felt the pang of being surrounded by other humans, yet not felt connected? Have you ever stood in a crowd, smiled, talked, maybe even laughed but on the inside felt like something was amiss or you didn't belong? Sometimes it feels like there is a little Carol in me who is jumping up and down shouting, "SEE ME! I
really want you to SEE me!"
I thought people didn't see me because they weren't looking, weren't paying enough attention. And this may be partly true. However, having recently completed a 2 year intensive counseling degree, which required me to look within and assess what I give off and why, I now know that a part of the reason people weren't seeing me is because I was hiding me.
I unknowingly walked around with a mask, showing only what I thought to be safe. I didn't realize I was holding back, I thought I was an open book. But then I saw the light, and the light set me free. I realized I was free to be me, the real me. Unfortunately, this realization doesn't immediately result in a completely open vault. Living in freedom, freedom from fear, freedom from people pleasing, freedom from trying to keep up with the Joneses, is an ongoing process.
It requires a willingness to look within, to pay attention to your heart, to be in tune to the things that hurt you, and to embrace healing from those wounds. It also requires taking that self awareness to the only One who can give you the wisdom, strength, and courage to live freely. As you lean into Him, He directs you towards the abundant life He has promised. And once you look within and submit to the one above, there is another step to freedom. You have to decide to be seen and invite others in and let them see you.
I am learning to let people see me, undone me, scared me, don't have it all figured out me. Can you see me? Will you allow me (and others) to see you?
