Thoughts, Musings and No Decisions

We often hear sayings like, "the sky is the limit" but I wonder how many people really believe that. When I look around it seems like people have a very narrow view of life and tend to only dream or reach a few inches from right in front of their noses. There are the rare ones among us who dare to set their sights on things way beyond their reach but they are considered dreamers, and not in a good way.

I dream big at times but then it seems so far stretched that I tend to feel overwhelmed by the dreams and a sense of being stuck comes over me. I wonder if I really have what it takes. Is what some people say about me (I can do ANYthing, I am brilliant) really true? Most times I don't think so. I feel ordinary, not special, inadequate and incapable.

I know that's the fear gripping me. And I also know I was not created to have fear. But that fear feels very real when faced with lots of questions, much uncertainty, and no answers. My rational mind tells me that there is no reason to fear because I am walking with the Master who owns everything, knows everything, and can accomplish anything. That brings me some comfort but there are still the thoughts that run through my head. And the day to day decisions that have to be made.

I have thoughts like, what is a good balance between trusting God to work things out and actively pursuring destiny? And I have to make decisions such as, do I call or do I not call? Do I offer my services or do I wait to be asked? Do I push the issue or do I chill and let things fall into place?

I realize these are just the things that come with the privilege of having a thinking mind. I don't really hurt my head over such matters too often. It is easy for me not to get worked up over things. I had to do an MMPI (psychological test) to get into grad school and it proved what I knew for a while. I am an enigma, full of many contradictions. One such way is that even though I think excessively, I am not an anxious/worrisome person. If you heard my thoughts you may think otherwise but I really just like to think and wonder about things...there is a fascinating, full color world in my head lol.

But instead of wondering about things I have little control over at the moment, I am going to just focus on the little things of life like living right, loving hard, and laughing often. Laughing often is a no-brainer for me. Loving hard and living right are works in progress, sometimes I do them well, sometimes I down right suck lol. But its all good because life is a journey and I am gonna enjoy the ride til I die :-)

It may not look like life is great all the time and sometimes it doesn't feel like it, but I have learned to speak LIFE cuz there is POWER in the tongue. Living life like it's golden cuz when you're a Princess, it is!