Confessions of a Pharisee

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So......I just LOVE the way Big Daddy deals with me. He is persistent, yet gentle. This week He came after my Pharisee-like ways. And to make sure I GOT it, He showed me myself slowly at first, and then repeatedly in a short space of time. I got a taste of “He neither slumbers nor sleeps...” this week. Thankfully I know that He rebukes me because He loves me.

Here is the back story: I posted “Is Something Wrong with Me?” on Monday, September 12. It was a beautifully written (if I say so myself) piece about those other people who are sadly materialistic. I must say, I really liked that post. So when I received an off blog comment about it I was a little irked. Well actually, even though it was well intentioned and I knew it was well intentioned, that comment irked me a lot. So I had to pause and have a conversation with Big Daddy to figure out what was really behind my intense reaction. What I realized was that even though it is true that being materialistic (or thingsie like one of my friends calls it) is not a good trait, my attitude in writing the post was just as bad or worse. I wrote that post with an air of “I am a better than them because I get it”. The word that came to mind was Pharisee...I was being a Pharisee with my “I sure am glad I don't have the gatta get it, gatta have it bug”.





Interestingly, because God has a wonderful sense of humour, I had already written “Moment of Silence” by the time as I got the revelation on my being a Pharisee. So I figured I was covered. My thought was that if anyone thought I was being arrogant in the previous post, by the time as "Moment of Silence" hits the blog, they will think  that I realized my arrogance and ‘repented’. lol However, since I am walking out this share Truth plan, that could not really fly because truthfully, the arrogance I speak to in Moment of Silence is something different.



Walking the path of Truth by His Grace


That notwithstanding, I have a little bit of hustler in me and I was still thinking of ways to not really out myself on my blog….didn’t work. After the initial Pharisee revelation, Big Daddy softened the blow a little bit by reminding me that arrogance is really a cover for insecurity. So I was going to write a post that I was sure would garner some sympathy for myself as I vulnerably shared my very real struggles with insecurity and questioning my worth and wondering if I have any value. But you know what, I posted on facebook earlier this week that I need to go deeper and anything else is not acceptable. Then one of my seminary friends came in agreement with that prayer. Well, if you don’t know, God hears and honours our prayers. So He took me deeper, beyond hiding behind insecurity to a place of being honest. I had to be honest with the fact that no matter the wounds that have led to my insecurity, if I truly want to go deeper, I have to face how those wounds manifest in my life and deal with it.

Like a loving father, Big Daddy knows how to get me to pay attention and that is by repetition til I get to the point of “Ok Lord, I HEAR you, ya know.” So after I slowly recognized my sin, I then got lots of confirmation on my sin. Someone emailed me a newsletter with an article called “Woman of Grace” by Angela Thomas and she talks about acting like a Pharisee. I read a passage of Scripture on the Pharisees. I read a devotion and it talked about the Pharisees. And then, just in case that wasn’t enough, I turned on my television to Joyce Meyer this morning and what is she talking about? YUP! Her message was on being religious like the Pharisees and she quoted the exact Scripture that came to mind when I first realized my most recent Pharisee-like behavior. I say recent because as I was typing just now Holy Spirit reminded me that I have been rebuked on this before (lessons not learned will be repeated) lol. But you know the passage right, the one where the Pharisee and the tax collector are praying and the Pharisee is going on about how he is so happy he is not like sinners. lol

So long story short (after I’ve already told the long story haha) is that I must confess, I have Pharisee-like tendencies and sometimes they slip through in my writing. I have confessed my sin to God, and now I confess my sin to you, my readers. I repent of my religious arrogance and desire with all my heart to turn away from my sinful pride and walk in the humility befitting a daughter of the King.

[side note: the underlying cause of arrogance (i.e. insecurity) is still worth talking about so I may publish something on that next week…stay tuned!]