Jigsaw Lessons

I spent the last four days working on a jigsaw puzzle with 1,000 pieces. This is my second time attempting such a feat. The first one was daunting and overwhelming. But the finished product was so beautiful that I asked my husband to frame it so we could display it in our home. He did. We have. With that initial experience under my belt, just the thought of the second puzzle of this size brought about mixed emotions that ranged from trepidation about the overwhelmingness (my word) of going through the process and excitement over seeing all the pieces transformed into the inspiring photo on the box.

From the beginning of the summer, this project has loomed over me, taunting me to step up to the challenge. For weeks I put it off for other more meaningful activities like sleep and candy crush lol. Yeah, not so meaningful but definitely less effort required. And then, the moment arrived, late Friday night. I had sufficiently exhausted all other time occupiers and decided NOW is the time to put together my puzzle. So I told my husband, “Honey, this IS IT! It's Puzzle Time!”

Around 4am on Saturday morning, I ended my first round of Puzzle Mania. I had the borders completed and felt pretty good about myself. In truth, borders are pretty easy because if it has a flat edge, it is almost certainly a border lol. No rocket science level of genius required there. The next round of Puzzle-ing got a little more challenging and I began to feel overwhelmed like I had two years prior. Thankfully, I like to see things through so I pressed on.

The days began to blur, I lost track of time, I stayed up all night, I went to sleep when day broke, I dreamed about puzzle pieces, I slept for a few hours and got up, and I went back to the puzzle. Then, seemingly out of nowhere, I got a burst of new energy. It dawned on me that this process was filled with life lessons. The avid learner in me got more enthused about what the puzzle was teaching me than in completing the project. And then it was over. As the puzzle lay completed on the dining room table, I sat back and smiled. I was pleased with the end product. I was even more so overjoyed by the sense of fullness I felt from the lessons I received along the way.

Perspective * Perseverance * Patience * Purpose * Position * People

The first lesson I learned was about perspective. Perspective is a term that I, and others in my circle, use frequently. Therefore, it was already a significant term for me. However, working on the puzzle gave me a visual representation of the fact that how something is viewed, considerably affects how it is processed and responded to. As I tried to figure out where a piece belonged in the puzzle, I examined it closely, looking at its shape, colour, and any special markings on it. I came to realize that an image on a puzzle piece could look different depending on the angle I held the piece while looking at it. I could hold it in one direction and determine that it must be a part of someone’s arm and try to find the section of the picture that has an arm that looks like it. However, in turning it around, it could look like a shadow. And yet from another angle, it looked like a tombstone. With each turn, I was 100% sure it was what I thought it was…until I turned it again and it looked like something completely different. Nevertheless, it could only be one thing. Hence, until I accurately perceived what it really was, I could not begin to determine what to do with it because I did not know where it actually went. For the pieces I tried to fit based on the image on them, I learned to accept that not until I got the right perspective, could I fit it in the right place.

Lesson Learned: We can form wrong conclusions because a skewed perspective will lead to a skewed conclusion.

At the height of my frustration, I wanted to give up and convince my husband to finish the puzzle for me. At that point, I was a little less than halfway through. Thankfully, the little voice in my head that holds my “never give up” banner, whispered, “don’t give up, you can do this!” So I breathed deeply, gathered all the pieces that resembled the section of the puzzle I was working on, and diligently compared shapes and shades of colour until the entire section was done. As I went through that grassy section, I stumbled upon lessons 2 and 3 – perseverance and patience.

My spatial intelligence (ability to measure space and decipher patterns visually without the aid of instruments) is very low. Unlike my husband, who can look at a piece from 10 feet away and quickly figure out where it fits, I have to fit shapes by trial and error…and error…and error. To get to the end of my project, I had to persevere even though my deficiency made me feel stupid at times. Additionally, I had to be patient with myself, not need to be quick, and allow myself to go through the trial and error…slowly.

Lessons Learned: We have to be willing to persevere despite our personal shortcomings, and patiently endure the additional effort needed to accomplish tasks that are not easy for us.

During my arduous trek through the grass section, I began to see a pattern that led to lessons 4 and 5 on purpose and position. Despite my low spatial intelligence, sometimes a piece has such an unusual shape that you would have to be blind to not see where it fits. Unless...the space it is meant to fit in has not been “created” as yet. In the second half of my Pleasurable Puzzle-ing Project, I began to realize that even though every piece has a purpose, sometimes that purpose is not revealed until other pieces were in their position.

Lessons Learned: A delay in purpose is often the result of something or someone needing to get in proper position so that purpose can be fulfilled.

And finally, as symbolized by my husband inserting the final piece of the puzzle, we need people – Lesson 5. I did a lot of the puzzle by myself and enjoyed doing it, especially learning the lessons along the way. Nevertheless, I cherished my husband’s assistance. As the saying goes, no man is an island unto himself. I probably could have completed the puzzle by myself. However, it would have taken much longer and I would have missed out on sharing the experience with my husband. I love quality time! Needless to say, working on a jigsaw puzzle together was delightful.

Lesson Learned: Allowing people (spouse, parents, children, siblings, friends, colleagues) to share in our process leads not only to greater efficiency but also to shared experiences that enrich our relationships. 

CELEBRATE your CHILDREN

Yesterday I was reflecting on all the Facebook posts I have been seeing from people I grew up with. Posts showcasing the many accomplishments of their children. I beamed with pride for them and felt so happy that they are raising great children. And then I began to wonder about the ones I haven't seen. Are they not on Facebook? Do they not like to post personal stories? Are their children not high flyers? And that last question stuck with me...how do the parents of the students who aren't coming first in class or in sports feel when they see the posts of their peers and their peers' children? Do they feel bad? Do they feel embarrassed? And I imagined that maybe there is at least a tinge of something opposite to a warm and fuzzy feeling. So I decided I want to encourage the parents of the children who are not first in anything.

Here's the thing, EVERYBODY is good at SOMETHING. Yet, because of how our educational system is set up, what your child is good at may not get a prize or an award. As the parent, a part of your job is to CELEBRATE what's good about your child, even if nobody else does. Is your child obedient, neat, honest, mannerly, energetic, affectionate, friendly, an avid reader? CELEBRATE that! Does your child finish what he/she starts? CELEBRATE that! Does your child love the Lord Jesus? CELEBRATE that!

As I continued in my thoughts, I remembered the funerals I have attended and the tributes I read and heard from the children and grand children of the deceased. The common thread in those tributes was the children talking about the way their mother or father believed in them, encouraged them, made them feel special no matter what. I have yet to hear anyone say that their parent bought them the latest toys or name brand clothes and put them in a mansion. It was the way they encouraged them to be the best person, the best at what they put their minds to, that stood out to them.

Therefore, I encourage you with this: If you are a parent of a school age child reading this right now, no matter your child's GPA, find at least ONE thing your child does well and CELEBRATE it. It doesn't have to be shared on social media, but make sure your child knows that you see his/her strength and you are excited and pleased about it. And also let your children know that you love them, just as they are. No matter the circumstances of their birth, or your current struggles, accept and love your children and let them know that with your words and actions.

In my line of work I have met students with great courage, team spirit, perseverance, strength in the face of adversity, outside the box thinking, dramatic ability, artistic intelligence, etc. I love to see students excel and I am proud of the high flyers. However, I am even prouder when I see the light bulb come on and a student fights his/her way from not meeting the mark to surpassing it. I love hearing teachers say, "wow, this student sure made a come around." We all want our children to do well. But let's keep in mind that "well" is relative. Everyone will not be a straight A student, everyone cannot finish first, but everyone can do their best. Encourage your children to do their best and then reward them when they do their best. [s/n: please STOP rewarding children for doing NOTHING. You're creating lazy individuals who feel entitled to get something for nothing.]

Parents, you can boost your child's self-esteem by affirming his/her strengths and helping to navigate the challenging areas. You've been blessed with a gift and how you treat that gift, makes a huge difference in your child's life and in our communities. Please, CELEBRATE your CHILDREN!

Just a Daughter

Just a Daughter

Mother’s Day typically brings a mixed bag of emotions for me. Yet through it all, I give thanks.

The world, or at least the region I live in, tells you on Mother’s Day to honour the woman who brought you into the world and/or raised and nurtured you. However, truth is that we live in a world where mother-child relationships are not all equal. They range from bestest friends to arch enemies to non-existent due to death or abandonment - physical or emotional. For those on the high end of the spectrum, Mother’s Day is a joyous opportunity to shower a gem of a woman with tangible and intangible expressions of love. However, for those that experience(d) a relationship further along the spectrum, it can be difficult to honour mother (even though it’s also a Biblical command) because it feels more like pretend, keep up appearances, or at best, call those things that be not as if they are.

I must admit, even though my mother and I are far from arch enemies and abandonment is too severe a term to describe our relationship, the expectations of Mother’s Day have caused me to wrestle with my intense need to be authentic and my deep-seated opposition to doing something just because it is expected. Consequently, I have personally struggled with this day for most of my adult life. Through a long and arduous process involving multiple conversations with my Heavenly Father, I am learning to appreciate my relationship with my mother. This appreciation stems from Big Daddy continually helping me to view our relationship through the lens of God’s big picture and His purpose for my life instead of through the lens of the hurt child that felt she was the sacrifice for the greater good of the community…church…nation. And so as Mother’s Day 2015 approaches, I view it with thanksgiving.

Notably, my Mother's Day woes don't end there. For well over a decade, in the midst of reconciling my mother issues, there has been an added angst to Mother’s Day for me. I will call it the well-meaning Pause Pity Prophesy. Any woman over 25 years of age (or younger if you’re already married) who has not given birth to a live child probably knows what I am talking about. It happens a lot in church. Alternatively, it is experienced when saying “Happy Mother’s Day” to mother, grandmothers, aunts, sisters, cousins, or friends. This is how it goes: as everyone extends Mother’s Day greetings, they pause because they were about to say it to me but they mentally registered, “Oops! You don’t have a child.” So instead, they smile as they try to hide the sadness or disappointment or pity they feel for me and prophesy by saying something like, “next year I’ll be saying this to you.”

I am convinced that the Pause Pity Prophesy crew mean well and they are trying to be encouraging. But that awkward moment is simply that, awkward. I have accepted that without a doubt, whether you express hope that my time is coming soon or acknowledge that I’m like a mother to someone else’s child(ren) or say nothing, unless you are in my shoes OR we’re close enough for you to really know my truth and my faith, it is going to be uncomfortable. I can’t speak for every woman in this situation but I can speak for me. This may seem harsh but I really don’t want the pity (flesh) invoked prophesies and declarations that are supposed to be comforting but come across as trite. My truth is that I long to be a mother someday and in faith, I believe with all my heart that I will bring forth children from my womb. Nonetheless, until such time, I know that my life has purpose and I am fulfilling it each day that I breathe. Therefore, for all that I am right now, I thank Creator God.

I thank God because this year I almost gave in when satan tried to make me believe that it would be better to just skip church this year. Or just go to a church where I’m not known and people may not give me the Pause Pity Prophesy because they don’t know my story. Thankfully Big Daddy ministered to me and reminded me that He loves me and does not label me like the world labels me. In God’s Kingdom I am not labelled “single” or "married", “mother” or "childless", “rich” or "poor", “famous” or "insignificant". I am simply “BELOVED”.  Therefore, just as year after year I rose above the noise of “when are you going to get married…you’re getting old…you need to stop being picky i.e. settle” and continued to live purposefully as an woman of God who was unmarried, I will live joyously and purposefully as a woman of God who is married with no biological children. Every day that I have breath, I will live out 1 Thessalonians 5:16-18 “ Rejoice always, pray without ceasing, in everything give thanks; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you.”