Just a Daughter

Just a Daughter

Mother’s Day typically brings a mixed bag of emotions for me. Yet through it all, I give thanks.

The world, or at least the region I live in, tells you on Mother’s Day to honour the woman who brought you into the world and/or raised and nurtured you. However, truth is that we live in a world where mother-child relationships are not all equal. They range from bestest friends to arch enemies to non-existent due to death or abandonment - physical or emotional. For those on the high end of the spectrum, Mother’s Day is a joyous opportunity to shower a gem of a woman with tangible and intangible expressions of love. However, for those that experience(d) a relationship further along the spectrum, it can be difficult to honour mother (even though it’s also a Biblical command) because it feels more like pretend, keep up appearances, or at best, call those things that be not as if they are.

I must admit, even though my mother and I are far from arch enemies and abandonment is too severe a term to describe our relationship, the expectations of Mother’s Day have caused me to wrestle with my intense need to be authentic and my deep-seated opposition to doing something just because it is expected. Consequently, I have personally struggled with this day for most of my adult life. Through a long and arduous process involving multiple conversations with my Heavenly Father, I am learning to appreciate my relationship with my mother. This appreciation stems from Big Daddy continually helping me to view our relationship through the lens of God’s big picture and His purpose for my life instead of through the lens of the hurt child that felt she was the sacrifice for the greater good of the community…church…nation. And so as Mother’s Day 2015 approaches, I view it with thanksgiving.

Notably, my Mother's Day woes don't end there. For well over a decade, in the midst of reconciling my mother issues, there has been an added angst to Mother’s Day for me. I will call it the well-meaning Pause Pity Prophesy. Any woman over 25 years of age (or younger if you’re already married) who has not given birth to a live child probably knows what I am talking about. It happens a lot in church. Alternatively, it is experienced when saying “Happy Mother’s Day” to mother, grandmothers, aunts, sisters, cousins, or friends. This is how it goes: as everyone extends Mother’s Day greetings, they pause because they were about to say it to me but they mentally registered, “Oops! You don’t have a child.” So instead, they smile as they try to hide the sadness or disappointment or pity they feel for me and prophesy by saying something like, “next year I’ll be saying this to you.”

I am convinced that the Pause Pity Prophesy crew mean well and they are trying to be encouraging. But that awkward moment is simply that, awkward. I have accepted that without a doubt, whether you express hope that my time is coming soon or acknowledge that I’m like a mother to someone else’s child(ren) or say nothing, unless you are in my shoes OR we’re close enough for you to really know my truth and my faith, it is going to be uncomfortable. I can’t speak for every woman in this situation but I can speak for me. This may seem harsh but I really don’t want the pity (flesh) invoked prophesies and declarations that are supposed to be comforting but come across as trite. My truth is that I long to be a mother someday and in faith, I believe with all my heart that I will bring forth children from my womb. Nonetheless, until such time, I know that my life has purpose and I am fulfilling it each day that I breathe. Therefore, for all that I am right now, I thank Creator God.

I thank God because this year I almost gave in when satan tried to make me believe that it would be better to just skip church this year. Or just go to a church where I’m not known and people may not give me the Pause Pity Prophesy because they don’t know my story. Thankfully Big Daddy ministered to me and reminded me that He loves me and does not label me like the world labels me. In God’s Kingdom I am not labelled “single” or "married", “mother” or "childless", “rich” or "poor", “famous” or "insignificant". I am simply “BELOVED”.  Therefore, just as year after year I rose above the noise of “when are you going to get married…you’re getting old…you need to stop being picky i.e. settle” and continued to live purposefully as an woman of God who was unmarried, I will live joyously and purposefully as a woman of God who is married with no biological children. Every day that I have breath, I will live out 1 Thessalonians 5:16-18 “ Rejoice always, pray without ceasing, in everything give thanks; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you.”

From Expectation to Experience

Getting married at 40, I expected to sail pass the hard work of blending two lives and cruise into a smooth mature marriage. I believe that “faith without works is dead”. This translated in my life as “if you believe that God is going to send you a husband, you should be fully prepared when he finally arrives.” In preparation, I read a ton of books on dating, marriage, boundaries, and commitment. I observed and talked to married people, those in successful marriages, the couples with rocky marriages, and people who had thrown in the towel and divorced. I had a mental list of what to avoid and what to focus on. Based on my research, I had carefully created a vision of my husband and our marriage. I had a fool proof plan for a successful marriage. 

My plan eventually began to unfold when I met a man who had about 98% of the characteristics on my list. He was a good Christian man, I was pleased. He proposed, I accepted. We allowed God to be our Wedding Planner and it was great! We were dressed to impress, surrounded by loving family and friends. Our guests were probably more excited than we were because many of them had prayed diligently for each of us to find a good mate and they were there to witness the answer to their unrelenting prayers. All the ingredients for a successful marriage were in place and I knew nothing could go wrong.

 

Fast forward to the present. Ten months into marriage and I’ve had to redefine success in marriage. Even with all my preparation, marriage is so much more than I expected. It is a revealing, humbling, exciting, adventure with highs and lows. I have been awakened to parts of myself that I either thought had already died or never knew existed. Furthermore, the realization that there are aspects of the two-becoming-one that truly baffle me has challenged my arrogant I’m-in-control attitude and forced me to humbly accept that I need Jesus in a new way as I navigate married life.  Despite this, I am excited about this three-way sacrificial love journey. There are so many variables, so many unknowns, but one thing remains constant, God is for us and will never leave us nor forsake us. This truth gives me peace. Marital success is not what I expected but experience has taught me that success is simply trusting God with the daily details of my marriage.

Waiting

What do you do when you are waiting on God to answer a prayer request that seems so important and so "now" yet His answer is slow in coming? Do you doubt, lose hope, think He has forgotten you or doesn't love you? Do you believe that He is punishing you for something you did or didn't do?

Here are some things I have learned to do:

1) Continue to pray...and ask God to show me what He wants me to learn, do, or change as I wait (Psalm 139:23-24)

2) Read His Word, the Bible, for reminders to be strong, encouraged, hopeful, patient, and trusting (Joshua 1:7-9)

3) Tap into the Truth hidden in my heart and remember that He loves me and has a good plan for my life. (Jeremiah 29:11)

3) Be busy about the things I already know He wants me to do like spreading His love to the people around me, and doing my job to His honor and glory. (Galatians 6:9-10)

One Year

What a difference One Year makes.

One year ago today, I began the Youth Volunteer journey that would reignite my passion for youth, and set me on the path to discover my new career.

Today I completed Week One of Training in my new career.

It's been a year of Learning and Exploring.

I've learned much about 

Life and Love,

Fear and Forgiveness,

Relationships and Choices,

Humility and Contentment.

And through it all...for it all,

I give God ALL the GLORY!

I never would have made it through this One Year without Him.

Purpose Promise Process

I wrote the article below yesterday for my church’s bulletin. I’ll give you the back story so you can see how God lines things up to fulfil purpose. On several occasions in the past I have looked at the weekly article in our bulletin and thought to myself, “I should write articles for the bulletin” but never followed up on it. Then on Monday, I volunteered to help out at the church because I am in transition and figured giving to God’s ministry is a great thing to do with my free time. It just so happened that my timing coincided with the Office Assistant’s vacation so I was able to fill her spot. Yesterday morning when I got to church the Lord placed a topic in my spirit that I figured would be my next blog post. However, I needed to complete some projects I was working on at the church so I didn’t have time to write the post. Well, a couple hours into the work day, my Pastor’s wife asked me to finalize the bulletin by finding an article to include. Then she said as an afterthought, “Or you can write an article if you wish.” I KNEW it was a God move and even though given what I was working on I felt I may not have time to write an article, I knew this was an opportunity being presented that could not be passed up. 

Of course I was able to write the article and finish everything I needed to finish by the end of the work day. And because God is so orderly, the topic He placed in my spirit earlier in the day tied into the scrpiture verse on the bulletin cover.

God hears ALL our prayers and knows ALL our desires. The desire to write an article for the church bulletin is at least two years old. God may seem late but He really isn’t. He takes His time to line things up so we know that it was ALL Him. This season is hard but it’s things like this that remind me that God is working on my behalf through each and every circumstance I face. Check out my very first church bulletin article below...

Purpose Promise Process

God has a purpose for all of His creation. Every animal, plant, and substance, has a God-determined purpose. It is the same with every man, woman, and child. We were created to glorify God in our relationship with Him and in our interaction with each other in the earth. We each have tasks and callings that God has purposed for us to fulfil during our lifetime. Regardless of family status, employment status, marital status, or church status, God had a purpose for you when He allowed you to be formed in your mother’s womb. Your presence here at such a time as this is not a mistake.

¹³ “For You formed my inward parts; You covered me in my mother’s womb. ¹⁴ I will praise You, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made; marvelous are Your works, and that my soul knows very well. ¹⁵ My frame was not hidden from You, when I was made in secret, and skillfully wrought in the lowest parts of the earth. ¹⁶ Your eyes saw my substance, being yet unformed. And in Your book they all were written, the days fashioned for me, when as yet there were none of them.” Psalm 139:13-16 (NKJV)

David says that God knew all his days before he was formed in his mother’s wombs and the same is true for all of us. Nothing that happens in our lives is a surprise to God. The ups and downs, twists and turns, triumphs and trials, are all orchestrated by our faithful Father to fulfil the plans He has for us. As Jeremiah told the people of Israel, “For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, says the Lord, thoughts of peace and not of evil, to give you a future and a hope.” Jeremiah 29:11 (NKJV) This promise to the Israelites applies to all of God’s children, everyone who know Him as Saviour and Lord.

It is important to note that Jeremiah spoke this promise while the Israelites were still in captivity in Babylon. This shows that our circumstances should not cause us to lose sight of our purpose or lose hope in the promises of God. The process God takes us through is normally not easy. He prunes us (John 15:2) and takes us through the refiners fire (Malachi 3:3) to ensure that the good work He began in us is completed (Philippians 1:6).

When we face health issues, financial challenges, conflict on the job or at school, and relational discord, we should find comfort in knowing that every trial is divinely orchestrated to bring forth good fruit in our lives. God wants to develop our character, integrity, perseverance, and endurance. He wants to increase our faith, peace, and joy. When we go through challenges and see the hand of God move in our situations, we get to taste and see how good and faithful He is to protect, guide, and keep us in the midst of the storms of life.

Your purpose will be fulfilled as you go through the process required to mature and equip you to handle the manifestation of the promise. “And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are the called according to His purpose.” Romans 8:28 (NKJV)

As we go through our process, we should always remember that in times of goodness and hardship, we are blessed. Blessings are promised to those who walk in the ways of the Lord. “Blessed is every one who fears the LORD, who walks in His ways.” Psalm 128:1 (NKJV) We should also remember that we may not be able to control the external forces that wage war for our soul, but we can control our internal responses to what is happening around us. Instead of worrying and being fearful and seeking to solve our problems on our own, we should seek the Lord earnestly and wait on Him to act on our behalf.

“As the deer longs for streams of water, so I long for you, O God. ² I thirst for God, the living God. When can I go and stand before him? ³ Day and night I have only tears for food, while my enemies continually taunt me, saying, “Where is this God of yours?” Psalm 42:1-3 (NLT) When fear and doubt creep up and the naysayers taunt us, let us conclude as the Psalmist concludes, “Why are you cast down, O my soul? And why are you disquieted within me? Hope in God; for I shall yet praise Him, the help of my countenance and my God.” Psalm 42:11 (NKJV) Go courageously through your process as you walk in the promises of God and fulfil His purpose for your life.

The Cat

There is a cat that lives in my mother’s yard

He roams around from end to end
Despite Mother’s promise
That to a far away land she will send.
 
Day after day we shoo her away
And day after day she lets us know she intends to stay.
I wonder why the cat doesn’t get the hint
I guess we should accept this will be no short stint.

Maybe in Kitty’s presence there a lesson.

Can we relate this to our Father who sent us His Son?
We try to ignore Him despite His acts of care
Keeping Him at bay, possibly out of fear.

We sometimes wish the Master would let us be

So we can live the life we consider to be free.
But He knows better than we do
That without His constant presence we will not have true freedom.

So He persists and He pursues

Always near when danger ensues.
We can depend on Him to help us
Because to love, for Him, is a must.

Kitty also teaches us that from the Master’s Hand

We receive sustenance to stand.
Kitty comes to the door and meows when she is hungry
For she knows where to go when she is needy.

Kitty knows a truth that we sometimes forget

We have to come with expectancy in order to get.
If we know who we are and whose we are
We will know not to run or go very far.

It may seem like God has forsaken us

But we should ask, “Unlike man, has He from His presence ever thrust?”
Sometimes it is our actions that make Him feel far away
But always remember, in His presence, we are never a stray.