Just a Daughter

Just a Daughter

Mother’s Day typically brings a mixed bag of emotions for me. Yet through it all, I give thanks.

The world, or at least the region I live in, tells you on Mother’s Day to honour the woman who brought you into the world and/or raised and nurtured you. However, truth is that we live in a world where mother-child relationships are not all equal. They range from bestest friends to arch enemies to non-existent due to death or abandonment - physical or emotional. For those on the high end of the spectrum, Mother’s Day is a joyous opportunity to shower a gem of a woman with tangible and intangible expressions of love. However, for those that experience(d) a relationship further along the spectrum, it can be difficult to honour mother (even though it’s also a Biblical command) because it feels more like pretend, keep up appearances, or at best, call those things that be not as if they are.

I must admit, even though my mother and I are far from arch enemies and abandonment is too severe a term to describe our relationship, the expectations of Mother’s Day have caused me to wrestle with my intense need to be authentic and my deep-seated opposition to doing something just because it is expected. Consequently, I have personally struggled with this day for most of my adult life. Through a long and arduous process involving multiple conversations with my Heavenly Father, I am learning to appreciate my relationship with my mother. This appreciation stems from Big Daddy continually helping me to view our relationship through the lens of God’s big picture and His purpose for my life instead of through the lens of the hurt child that felt she was the sacrifice for the greater good of the community…church…nation. And so as Mother’s Day 2015 approaches, I view it with thanksgiving.

Notably, my Mother's Day woes don't end there. For well over a decade, in the midst of reconciling my mother issues, there has been an added angst to Mother’s Day for me. I will call it the well-meaning Pause Pity Prophesy. Any woman over 25 years of age (or younger if you’re already married) who has not given birth to a live child probably knows what I am talking about. It happens a lot in church. Alternatively, it is experienced when saying “Happy Mother’s Day” to mother, grandmothers, aunts, sisters, cousins, or friends. This is how it goes: as everyone extends Mother’s Day greetings, they pause because they were about to say it to me but they mentally registered, “Oops! You don’t have a child.” So instead, they smile as they try to hide the sadness or disappointment or pity they feel for me and prophesy by saying something like, “next year I’ll be saying this to you.”

I am convinced that the Pause Pity Prophesy crew mean well and they are trying to be encouraging. But that awkward moment is simply that, awkward. I have accepted that without a doubt, whether you express hope that my time is coming soon or acknowledge that I’m like a mother to someone else’s child(ren) or say nothing, unless you are in my shoes OR we’re close enough for you to really know my truth and my faith, it is going to be uncomfortable. I can’t speak for every woman in this situation but I can speak for me. This may seem harsh but I really don’t want the pity (flesh) invoked prophesies and declarations that are supposed to be comforting but come across as trite. My truth is that I long to be a mother someday and in faith, I believe with all my heart that I will bring forth children from my womb. Nonetheless, until such time, I know that my life has purpose and I am fulfilling it each day that I breathe. Therefore, for all that I am right now, I thank Creator God.

I thank God because this year I almost gave in when satan tried to make me believe that it would be better to just skip church this year. Or just go to a church where I’m not known and people may not give me the Pause Pity Prophesy because they don’t know my story. Thankfully Big Daddy ministered to me and reminded me that He loves me and does not label me like the world labels me. In God’s Kingdom I am not labelled “single” or "married", “mother” or "childless", “rich” or "poor", “famous” or "insignificant". I am simply “BELOVED”.  Therefore, just as year after year I rose above the noise of “when are you going to get married…you’re getting old…you need to stop being picky i.e. settle” and continued to live purposefully as an woman of God who was unmarried, I will live joyously and purposefully as a woman of God who is married with no biological children. Every day that I have breath, I will live out 1 Thessalonians 5:16-18 “ Rejoice always, pray without ceasing, in everything give thanks; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you.”

From Expectation to Experience

Getting married at 40, I expected to sail pass the hard work of blending two lives and cruise into a smooth mature marriage. I believe that “faith without works is dead”. This translated in my life as “if you believe that God is going to send you a husband, you should be fully prepared when he finally arrives.” In preparation, I read a ton of books on dating, marriage, boundaries, and commitment. I observed and talked to married people, those in successful marriages, the couples with rocky marriages, and people who had thrown in the towel and divorced. I had a mental list of what to avoid and what to focus on. Based on my research, I had carefully created a vision of my husband and our marriage. I had a fool proof plan for a successful marriage. 

My plan eventually began to unfold when I met a man who had about 98% of the characteristics on my list. He was a good Christian man, I was pleased. He proposed, I accepted. We allowed God to be our Wedding Planner and it was great! We were dressed to impress, surrounded by loving family and friends. Our guests were probably more excited than we were because many of them had prayed diligently for each of us to find a good mate and they were there to witness the answer to their unrelenting prayers. All the ingredients for a successful marriage were in place and I knew nothing could go wrong.

 

Fast forward to the present. Ten months into marriage and I’ve had to redefine success in marriage. Even with all my preparation, marriage is so much more than I expected. It is a revealing, humbling, exciting, adventure with highs and lows. I have been awakened to parts of myself that I either thought had already died or never knew existed. Furthermore, the realization that there are aspects of the two-becoming-one that truly baffle me has challenged my arrogant I’m-in-control attitude and forced me to humbly accept that I need Jesus in a new way as I navigate married life.  Despite this, I am excited about this three-way sacrificial love journey. There are so many variables, so many unknowns, but one thing remains constant, God is for us and will never leave us nor forsake us. This truth gives me peace. Marital success is not what I expected but experience has taught me that success is simply trusting God with the daily details of my marriage.

Purpose Promise Process

I wrote the article below yesterday for my church’s bulletin. I’ll give you the back story so you can see how God lines things up to fulfil purpose. On several occasions in the past I have looked at the weekly article in our bulletin and thought to myself, “I should write articles for the bulletin” but never followed up on it. Then on Monday, I volunteered to help out at the church because I am in transition and figured giving to God’s ministry is a great thing to do with my free time. It just so happened that my timing coincided with the Office Assistant’s vacation so I was able to fill her spot. Yesterday morning when I got to church the Lord placed a topic in my spirit that I figured would be my next blog post. However, I needed to complete some projects I was working on at the church so I didn’t have time to write the post. Well, a couple hours into the work day, my Pastor’s wife asked me to finalize the bulletin by finding an article to include. Then she said as an afterthought, “Or you can write an article if you wish.” I KNEW it was a God move and even though given what I was working on I felt I may not have time to write an article, I knew this was an opportunity being presented that could not be passed up. 

Of course I was able to write the article and finish everything I needed to finish by the end of the work day. And because God is so orderly, the topic He placed in my spirit earlier in the day tied into the scrpiture verse on the bulletin cover.

God hears ALL our prayers and knows ALL our desires. The desire to write an article for the church bulletin is at least two years old. God may seem late but He really isn’t. He takes His time to line things up so we know that it was ALL Him. This season is hard but it’s things like this that remind me that God is working on my behalf through each and every circumstance I face. Check out my very first church bulletin article below...

Purpose Promise Process

God has a purpose for all of His creation. Every animal, plant, and substance, has a God-determined purpose. It is the same with every man, woman, and child. We were created to glorify God in our relationship with Him and in our interaction with each other in the earth. We each have tasks and callings that God has purposed for us to fulfil during our lifetime. Regardless of family status, employment status, marital status, or church status, God had a purpose for you when He allowed you to be formed in your mother’s womb. Your presence here at such a time as this is not a mistake.

¹³ “For You formed my inward parts; You covered me in my mother’s womb. ¹⁴ I will praise You, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made; marvelous are Your works, and that my soul knows very well. ¹⁵ My frame was not hidden from You, when I was made in secret, and skillfully wrought in the lowest parts of the earth. ¹⁶ Your eyes saw my substance, being yet unformed. And in Your book they all were written, the days fashioned for me, when as yet there were none of them.” Psalm 139:13-16 (NKJV)

David says that God knew all his days before he was formed in his mother’s wombs and the same is true for all of us. Nothing that happens in our lives is a surprise to God. The ups and downs, twists and turns, triumphs and trials, are all orchestrated by our faithful Father to fulfil the plans He has for us. As Jeremiah told the people of Israel, “For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, says the Lord, thoughts of peace and not of evil, to give you a future and a hope.” Jeremiah 29:11 (NKJV) This promise to the Israelites applies to all of God’s children, everyone who know Him as Saviour and Lord.

It is important to note that Jeremiah spoke this promise while the Israelites were still in captivity in Babylon. This shows that our circumstances should not cause us to lose sight of our purpose or lose hope in the promises of God. The process God takes us through is normally not easy. He prunes us (John 15:2) and takes us through the refiners fire (Malachi 3:3) to ensure that the good work He began in us is completed (Philippians 1:6).

When we face health issues, financial challenges, conflict on the job or at school, and relational discord, we should find comfort in knowing that every trial is divinely orchestrated to bring forth good fruit in our lives. God wants to develop our character, integrity, perseverance, and endurance. He wants to increase our faith, peace, and joy. When we go through challenges and see the hand of God move in our situations, we get to taste and see how good and faithful He is to protect, guide, and keep us in the midst of the storms of life.

Your purpose will be fulfilled as you go through the process required to mature and equip you to handle the manifestation of the promise. “And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are the called according to His purpose.” Romans 8:28 (NKJV)

As we go through our process, we should always remember that in times of goodness and hardship, we are blessed. Blessings are promised to those who walk in the ways of the Lord. “Blessed is every one who fears the LORD, who walks in His ways.” Psalm 128:1 (NKJV) We should also remember that we may not be able to control the external forces that wage war for our soul, but we can control our internal responses to what is happening around us. Instead of worrying and being fearful and seeking to solve our problems on our own, we should seek the Lord earnestly and wait on Him to act on our behalf.

“As the deer longs for streams of water, so I long for you, O God. ² I thirst for God, the living God. When can I go and stand before him? ³ Day and night I have only tears for food, while my enemies continually taunt me, saying, “Where is this God of yours?” Psalm 42:1-3 (NLT) When fear and doubt creep up and the naysayers taunt us, let us conclude as the Psalmist concludes, “Why are you cast down, O my soul? And why are you disquieted within me? Hope in God; for I shall yet praise Him, the help of my countenance and my God.” Psalm 42:11 (NKJV) Go courageously through your process as you walk in the promises of God and fulfil His purpose for your life.

Moving Forward

Moving Forward
Not looking back.

Moving Forward
Not letting the past hold me back.

Moving Forward
Believing in God's plan.

Moving Forward
Reaching deep within for the very best.

Moving Forward
Don't want to miss a step.

I'm Moving Forward
Will not turn back!

DECISION DECEMBER

Here is something a little different. I know it has been a hard year for many of us. For some there have been significant financial, emotional, and relational challenges. No matter whether things are good or bad right now, there is always room for improvement. I am an advocate for constant reflection and adjustments to ensure that we are living the BEST life possible. I have dubbed this month "Decision December". Below are some points for you to consider that may help you end this year strong and well positioned for a fabulously purposeful new year.

STEP 1 - DECIPHER

Who are you?

What are your strengths?
What are your top 5 interests
When you search your heart, what are your innermost desires and dreams?
Who do you want to be?
What do you want to be? (this is not the same as the previous question)
Are you a child of God or are you on satan’s team? (it’s either/or, no middle ground)

STEP 2 - DETERMINE

Definitively decide on a course of action based on answers in STEP 1.
Determine to serve God and allow His plan to manifest in your life
Determine your goals
Determine deadlines for your goals
Determine (resolve within yourself) that there are NO limits to what you can achieve
Determine that regardless the setbacks, you will persevere to your intended end

STEP 3 - DO

Perform!!!!
Bring to pass what you have determined in STEP 2

Power Walk vs. Endurance Walk

I left out this morning feeling very lethargic. There was no pep in my step. It’s amazing what a difference 24 hours can make. Yesterday I was so energetic and had a nice power walk that I am sure was a personal best time. But this morning I was totally not feeling it. However, I pushed myself and continued, one step at a time, knowing that the best I could do was to put one foot in front of the other, not being overly concerned with speed. I decided that since I wasn’t feeling very exercise-ish that I would just enjoy a little walk with Big Daddy. I approached the point that I normally turned around and decided I wasn’t ready to turn back so I continued walking. I walked and walked and walked and walked some more. I walked past a group of school children waiting for the bus and one asked me how far I was walking. I was already twice as far as I normally walk and still didn’t feel like turning back. So I told the young man, “until I feel like turning back” and continued on my walk.

As I walked I heard words like “endurance” and “no limits” and “expand” and began to think about the two previous times in recent years that I had gone on one of these endless walks with the Lord. I asked Him what He was trying to teach me, what He wanted me to see (and share). It seemed that Big Daddy wanted me to recognize that even though power walks are good for the heart, endurance walks stretch your muscles and strengthen you to go the distance.

Power walks are akin to the times when we use our ministry gifts to praise the Lord in song or dance, preach an on time word, serve a family in need, or see our prayers heal the sick. These are great times and bring joy to ourselves and even others. It puts you on a high to be used so powerfully but you eventually come down off the high until the next time the anointing is upon you to do the supernatural and miraculous.

Endurance walks on the other hand, are like our regular day-to-day Christian life when there is no pizzazz, no frill or fluff, just self in all of its glory and depravity. It is during the ordinariness of life that we develop character, maturity and the fruit of the Spirit. Without these, we cannot use our gifts to their greatest good. It is when the lights are off, when nobody is watching and we are intimate with Creator God that we tap into the fullness of the gifts within and get a deep understanding of who we are and why we are here. Endurance walks are long and arduous and the conditions tend to change as you walk. It can go from overcast and cool to rainy to sunny and hot. You can walk on flat or hilly, sandy or rocky terrain. The key is not to focus on the conditions, but to focus on purpose and walking in obedience. If you can make it on the “endurance walk”, the “power walk” will have even greater impact as you operate in the limitless power of God.

Today’s message: continue to endure, take the limits off of what God can, and will do in my life, watch and see the goodness of the Lord as He expands my territory.

Purpose Ain't Easy

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My Father! If it is possible, let this cup of suffering be taken away from me. Yet I want your will to be done, not mine. Matthew 26:39

My Father! If this cup cannot be taken away unless I drink it, your will be done. Matthew 26:42b

We live in a fallen world, life is hard, people are complex, relationships (familial, platonic, and romantic) are complicated. Yet God calls His people to submit to Him, walk in obedience and joyfully follow His plan for their lives. If Jesus is our model, we see from the verses above that in His human nature, His flesh wanted to turn away from the plan but He pressed on because He knew that His purpose required Him to endure this ultimate hardship.

I got a reality check this morning as I read Matthew 26. I was humbled as I remembered what my Lord suffered on my behalf. In verse 28 Jesus tells His disciples, “this is my blood, which confirms the covenant between God and His people. It is poured out as a sacrifice to forgive the sins of many.” Jesus gave His life for me. He died on the cross for my sins. He loved me so much that He bore the price of my sins so that I may not live separated from God because of sin but may have eternal life. What an amazing thing!

To fulfil the plan God had to redeem the world, Jesus suffered ridicule and false accusations “But Jesus remained silent” (v 63). Immediately, I started to think about how I often want to defend myself, prove myself right or innocent or worthy. Yet, here is the One I claim to model my life after remaining silent in the face of accusations that are much more damaging than the petty stuff I defend myself over. These accusations would lead to His death! Yet, He remained silent because He knew that His purpose was greater than His image. He did not let pride hinder the will of God for His life. WOW! Now there’s a lesson in humility.

Jesus, the Son of God, allowed men to spit in His face, beat Him, slap Him, and jeer at Him and He did nothing to stop them. (vv 67-68) A previous scene gives us an idea of His motivation for allowing all this. In v 53, He admonished His disciple not to take a sword to the men who came to arrest Him. “Don’t you know that I could ask my Father for thousands of angels to protect us and he would send them instantly? But if I did, how would the Scriptures be fulfilled that describe what must happen now?” (Matthew 26:53) Here we see that the Son of Man knew that His purpose was bigger than this momentary discomfort and He was willing to do whatever was required of Him to fulfil that purpose.

Reading this was sobering. It reminded me that I too have a purpose. The route God takes my life does not always make sense to me but there is a reason for it. Sometimes the reason is not even for my benefit but for the benefit of others. I have a choice. I can walk in obedience according to God’s plan for my life or I can look for the easy way out and do what makes me comfortable. Experience has taught me that doing God’s will brings more sustainable peace than taking the road of least of resistance.

My choice: Purpose ain’t easy but I’m gonna walk in it regardless of the personal discomfort along the way. My prayer: Lord, help me when I am weak to do that which You have called me to do. In all things and at all times may I serve as unto the Lord (thanks LH!)

* All Scripture quotations in this post are from the New Living Translation (NLT)

from Summer Struggles to September Sizzle

A new day dawning...

It was a long summer, full of ups and downs, peaks and valleys.
As the end of summer approached I had a choice.
I could either wallow in self pity or square my shoulders and do what I do best.
I decided on the latter, I would rise above my circumstances.
I decided to channel my energies into focussing on the things that really matter...
Hopes, dreams, vision, and promises made by a faithful God.
The result: September burst on the scene with vigor!

I'm so excited about this month that I dubbed it
SIGNIFICANTLY SPECIAL SEPTEMBER!!!
I don't know what is significant or special about this particular September
But I know it will be AWESOME!
Increase, Improvement, Growth....
These are the things I sense in the atmosphere.
These are the things that have me on the edge of my seat (figuratively).

It's been a great six days so far.
Doors are opening,
Opportunities are being seized.
New people are crossing my path...
I've got a feeling that it's gonna be a great month.
I've got a feeling that there will be an irrevocable SHIFT
And God is going to show off in a mighty way.

I am open to it,
I am excited about it,
I anticipate it
And I welcome it.
YAY to favour!
YAY to destiny!
YAY to walking in purpose!

Moses Motivation

When you live in a small community, there are certain things that alert you that you are not in the "big" city anymore. One such thing is that as you sit in church, it is very likely that the priest may, from the altar, call on you to come to the front to read the assigned Scripture passage. Well, that happened to me this morning and being the dutiful person I sometimes am, I obliged.

I had no idea what the Scripture was until I opened the bulletin and started reading. Then, I realized it was a LONG passage. I recently read on a Facebook friend's page that a teacher must love the sound of his/her own voice. I guess I am truly a teacher at heart because realizing I had to read a long passage was kinda thrilling. J However, as I read I got a thrill from the passage that went beyond the sound of my sing song voice. Half way through the passage I started to smile and about two-thirds through, I wanted to jump and shout! Instead, I outwardly restrained myself and just did somersaults in my spirit.

 
The Scripture passage I read was Exodus 1:8-2:10 and Moses is the main character. We all know the story of Moses. He's the guy from the Bible, the one who led the Israelites out of Egypt. But it wasn't that part of his life that inspired me this morning. This particular passage talks about the time during which Moses was born and his becoming a member of Pharaoh's family. The same Pharaoh who was scared because there were so many Israelites and he felt that the best way to limit their growth was to kill off all male babies.

[s/n: I think there is a similar spiritual attack on males today and that is why we are currently experiencing this 'shortage' of male leaders in every arena. But that is another post for another day]

Back to Moses...So, we know how Moses' story ends - he led the Israelites out of Egypt despite Pharaoh's resistance. But when we read the beginning of Exodus, we realize that at the beginning of Moses' story, there was a death sentence on his life. In fact, Moses' life was in jeopardy before he was conceived in his mother's womb. However, we also know through God's Word that the plans God has for us are also in place BEFORE we are formed in our mother's womb. What does that mean? BEFORE Pharaoh's death sentence, God had a plan to liberate His people and that plan involved Moses' parents conceiving a little boy who would not be killed, but would LIVE to carry out God's plans.

                                       

This was so exciting to me because it reminded me that all the seemingly random things that occur in my life have a purpose. I don't have the privilege of seeing my life from the end to the beginning, but God does. God has already established the plans for my life and even though I have many questions like "when" and "why" and "how" and "what the..." even now when I look back over my life, I already see purpose being fulfilled. I am sure Moses' mother had no idea what her little boy was to become when she decided that she must, at all cost, protect him from the men assigned to kill him. Likewise, Pharaoh's daughter had no clue that she was saving the future liberator of the Israelites. Moses did not even know that he was being groomed for this position. But God knew!
 
This passage has motivated and reminded me that as I go through this transition period and wrestle with my unanswered questions, it may seem like nothing is happening, but there is MUCH going on. Each day is a day of purpose. Every encounter with another human being, in person or via cyberspace, is an opportunity to give and receive knowledge, wisdom, inspiration, encouragement, or motivation. Life is not about the destination, but about making the most of every step of the journey. 

Divine Rest

Long Island, Bahamas

During the month of July I experienced a lot of turbulence in my inner world. I wanted results, movement, answers, change. But God wanted me to experience His rest. I wanted to know what was next and how and when I would get to that 'next'. But God just wanted me to rest and experience His love for me. I thought God was being mean and punishing me for something I did, or didn't do. In actuality, He was trying to get me to understand His immeasurable love for me. 

God wants me to stop striving, stop trying to earn love, His or anybody else's. He wants me to rest in the knowledge that He loves me with an unconditional, indescribable, never ending love. In my head I know this, because I read it in His word and I believe His word to be Truth. But often times, that same Truth that I can so eloquently profess with my mouth, I don't believe deep down in my heart. And it shows in how I live.

When I live in doubt and fear, I realize that I am not living out of the Truth that God loves me, He has an expected end for me, and it is His good pleasure to take care of me because I am His and He is mine.

Divine rest means that I don't struggle within myself or with others because I am resting in the knowledge that MY God will never leave me nor forsake me. Mother and father may forsake me, but not my BIG DADDY, He will always be for me and with me.

Divine rest means I am trusting in the One who will never let me down. The arms of flesh will fail me, but not the arms of my Heavenly Father. So I can trust in Lord with all my heart, and lean not to my own understanding.

Divine rest means I know that I know that I know that even when I doubt God and let Him down, He is faithful and will honour that which He set out to do in and through my life. For He knows the plans He has for me and they are good plans.

Despite my doubt and despair, God continues to minister to me through scripture, songs, preached word, nature, people, and circumstances. I am constantly reminded that no matter what it looks like or feels like, God is an ever-present help and refuge. Whether I feel Him with me or not, He is there.

Divine rest is not about being idle, it is about moving steadily along the path already laid out for me, whether I can see the path with my natural eyes or not.

I love the Lord because He first loved me. I will take my rest in Him and walk in favour with Him as He leads me to my expected end.

Why Bother?

What is the point of living right
When I don’t get what I want?
The Bible tells me that
God will grant the desires of my heart.
But I seem to have a whole lot of unmet desires.
Why do people who seem to live on their terms
Get what they want and I don’t?

Maybe if I live better, do better, act nice...
I’ll get what I want.
But then I do that
And things seem to get worse.
So then I say,
What’s the point?
Why bother?

These were the murmurings of my heart when silent criticism cut in an unexplainable way this morning. In addition to wondering what the point of this Christian walk is, I was also disappointed that yet again I let someone upset me with signs of disapproval. I wondered why another’s opinion mattered so much. I thought I was beyond needing this affirmation. Why do I bother seeking approval from someone who continues to hurt even as I try to heal?

Nonetheless, I pressed on. I cried out to the Lord and asked Him to walk me through. I said, “Father help me! I don’t know why I bother to do right because things keep going wrong. But you know. So please remind me.” And like a faithful, loving Father, He did.

His answer came through this morning's sermon. One sentence jumped at me: “Being a Christian is not about safety or comfort.” Aha! Why bother to live according to God’s word? Because God requires my faithfulness regardless of the circumstances. I am not good because I want to gain favour with man. I don’t do the right thing to earn points that I can cash in for blessings. I continue on this journey in spite of the hurts and disappointments because even though fulfilling God’s call is not always fun, it will be fulfilling.

Peter says it well in 1 Peter 3:17 “For it is better to suffer for doing good, if that should be God’s will, than for doing evil.” Not my will, but Your will be done. Not in my strength, but in Yours, dear Lord.