Authenticity Check

Search me, O God, and know my heart;
Try me, and know my anxieties;
And see if there is any wicked way in me,
And lead me in the way everlasting.
Psalm 139:23-24

This was my prayer last week as I embarked on Authentic August. I’ve been an Authenticity banner wave-er for some time now but recently, what I’ve considered as my authentic nature has been called rude one time too many. So I figured maybe, just maybe, I’m off course and need an authenticity check (similar to a reality check lol). Never wanting to journey into the land of deep discovery alone, I decided that as I did my research and set the record straight, I would share whatever I find with my cyber community so that everyone would know I am right. 

Well, enter this article, Is There Such a Thing A Being Too Authentic. I actually discovered it a couple months ago and saved it on my computer. I don’t remember how or why I came across it initially. But there it was, on my computer, as I prepared to begin my authenticity research. One of my favourite scripture verses about God answering before we call (paraphrase of Isaiah 65:24) comes to mind. Because He is all-knowing, He knew I would need to read this article again and had me save it so I could ‘miraculously’ rediscover it at such a time as this. As I read it, my insistence that I am right began to crumble. 

The parts of the article that really struck me were:

Scripture teaches us that truth and grace are not opposite ends of a spectrum, with "authenticity" parked closer to the truth end, maintaining a regrettable but unavoidable distance from the grace end.

Rather, truth and grace are both concurrent values on God's graph, and we are to plot ourselves into the graph so that what we say expresses both.

Too much "grace" with no truth makes us smarmy. 

Too much "truth" with no grace makes us jerks.
Withholding a comment or deciding not to correct someone’s error because of kindness, then, could perhaps not be seen as a mark of inauthenticity so much as a sign of self-control.

We want our words to be the truth, and nothing but the truth. But when it comes to others, love may require us to withhold certain opinions, to keep certain confidences, to edit certain stories. The authentic Gospel requires authentic believers to speak the (graciously selected) truth.

There ya have it…I am a jerk. I tend to give truth with little or no grace. I just always thought it better to be honest, even if it hurts. I was (am) the poster child for “the truth hurts…deal with it.” I even yearn for the honest unfiltered truth from others. And though it hurts and I typically get annoyed with the giver of that truth, I still love it. I love it because after the annoyance leaves me, I accept the truth of what was said and use it as a growth point. That notwithstanding, I am now realizing that truth without grace is not godly…and I desperately want to represent my Father well in all that I do. Therefore, change is required. {sigh}

Yup, I prayed Psalm 139:23-24 and God searched me and showed me that my skewed view of authenticity does not line up with His Word. Of course God doesn’t want us to be fake and totally throw truth out the window. However, He does want us to present truth as graciously as possible. Sharing truth in a God-honouring way will lead others to Him and His love and healing. Godly Truth is not designed to expose sin and depravity in a demeaning or shaming manner. As I search my heart, I recognize that it is never my conscious intent to demean or shame. Nevertheless, I now accept that due to my lack of due care in choosing the right words and using the right tone at the right time (adding grace to truth), my truth sharing can be more damaging than healing; especially in my closest relationships. 

These revelations about godly authenticity have brought me to a place of humble surrender. I let go of what I previously thought to be right and yield to God’s Truth. Although I surrender, I do not retreat. Instead, I commit to submit to the Holy Spirit’s guidance as I strive to live out of my new understanding of authenticity. I will need lots of refining in this area because the thought of changing my “tell it as it is” approach is somewhat overwhelming. Thankfully, God led me to a scriptural marker to undergird my quest to live authentically as He requires. This is now my daily prayer as I endeavour to be authentic.

"Be completely humble and gentle; Be patient, bearing with one another in love. Make every effort to keep the unity of the spirit through the bond of peace."

Ephesians 4:2-3

From Expectation to Experience

Getting married at 40, I expected to sail pass the hard work of blending two lives and cruise into a smooth mature marriage. I believe that “faith without works is dead”. This translated in my life as “if you believe that God is going to send you a husband, you should be fully prepared when he finally arrives.” In preparation, I read a ton of books on dating, marriage, boundaries, and commitment. I observed and talked to married people, those in successful marriages, the couples with rocky marriages, and people who had thrown in the towel and divorced. I had a mental list of what to avoid and what to focus on. Based on my research, I had carefully created a vision of my husband and our marriage. I had a fool proof plan for a successful marriage. 

My plan eventually began to unfold when I met a man who had about 98% of the characteristics on my list. He was a good Christian man, I was pleased. He proposed, I accepted. We allowed God to be our Wedding Planner and it was great! We were dressed to impress, surrounded by loving family and friends. Our guests were probably more excited than we were because many of them had prayed diligently for each of us to find a good mate and they were there to witness the answer to their unrelenting prayers. All the ingredients for a successful marriage were in place and I knew nothing could go wrong.

 

Fast forward to the present. Ten months into marriage and I’ve had to redefine success in marriage. Even with all my preparation, marriage is so much more than I expected. It is a revealing, humbling, exciting, adventure with highs and lows. I have been awakened to parts of myself that I either thought had already died or never knew existed. Furthermore, the realization that there are aspects of the two-becoming-one that truly baffle me has challenged my arrogant I’m-in-control attitude and forced me to humbly accept that I need Jesus in a new way as I navigate married life.  Despite this, I am excited about this three-way sacrificial love journey. There are so many variables, so many unknowns, but one thing remains constant, God is for us and will never leave us nor forsake us. This truth gives me peace. Marital success is not what I expected but experience has taught me that success is simply trusting God with the daily details of my marriage.

One Year

What a difference One Year makes.

One year ago today, I began the Youth Volunteer journey that would reignite my passion for youth, and set me on the path to discover my new career.

Today I completed Week One of Training in my new career.

It's been a year of Learning and Exploring.

I've learned much about 

Life and Love,

Fear and Forgiveness,

Relationships and Choices,

Humility and Contentment.

And through it all...for it all,

I give God ALL the GLORY!

I never would have made it through this One Year without Him.

Where is Real Love?

God offers real love
But  I turn my back on His love
And run after cheap imitations.
God loves me unconditionally
But I keep trying
To earn love from humans.
God is 100% available with a pure love,
Yet I settle for half love, some love,
And even no love with just a whole lot of lust.
If only I could truly grasp what REAL love is,
The kind that’s wrapped in God,
Maybe I would be able to
Recognize it in man, and let it in.
Truth be told,
Love scares me.
It seems so illusive, so impossible.
I want it, but I don’t know
If I can really trust it or handle it.
So I run and hide from it.
Lord, help me decipher the real from the fake.
April baby that I am, I am a diamond girl.
I want diamond love, not the cubic zirconium kind.



Where is real love in human form?
Get thee behind me
You emotionally, physically, and legally unavailable.
You look good, smell good,
And sure feel a whole lotta good.
But you ain’t good enough for me.
I want more. I want all.
I’m tired of settling.
Nothing but the best will do.
I deserve it. I want it. I’m gonna get it.
Real love, wherever thou art, I am here.
I’m waiting for you. Come hither, find me,
Pursue me, walk this road with me.
WAIT! Let me say this final piece.
If you ain’t willing to strive to love me like Jesus does,
I’m pretty sure you ain’t the one for me.
So keep stepping and leave me be.

Relationships

Romantic relationships are hard work. They feel good when things are right. But oh the pain and heartache that comes when things are wrong. Hollywood has sold us a dream. And many of us have bought into the dream. In 90 minutes we see a beautiful romance build and blossom. Two people meet and fall for one another. They have a whirlwind romance. Then there’s a misunderstanding. They part ways for about 20-25 minutes of the movie. And in the final 15 minutes, they reunite, realize they just can’t live without one another, rekindle the love flames, and the movie ends with everyone happy. And we walk out...TRICKED (again!)

In real life, there are mood swings, differences of opinions, mismatched sex drives, household chores, work schedules, religious differences, family strife and friendship wars, all competing to be the ONE thing

that breaks the camel’s back. But we hold on...We hold onto hope, we hold onto love, which sometimes is really infatuation. Nonetheless, we hold on and sometimes we hold out. We hold out thinking that punishment will lead to transformation.

Real relationships require a lot of C’s. Connection between two people that goes beyond the mere physical

but also involves emotional, mental and spiritual connection. Commitment to work together, not against one another to deal with the good and bad and hang in through the varying seasons of life. Communication to talk through the rough patches, to be the sounding board for our partners. Not only to be an ear but, to offer advice they may not want to hear. Compassion and Care go a long way, too. As we offer understanding and support we solidify the bonds that will overcome future ought. Conflict is most often avoided but it should be faced head on and worked through because conflict well managed will bring forth good fruit.

Relationships are gifts from God. They enrich our lives if we make wise choices. Choices based on compatibility and common interests, instead of merely cash flow or cuteness. Whether we have a romantic relationship or not, we should surely foster our friend and family relationships too. Life is all about balance and no one person can meet all our relational needs. So let’s be friends before lovers, good mothers and good daughters, faithful fathers and sons, loving brothers and sisters, companions and confidantes, and friends to the end. And through it all, let’s never forget  to thine own self be true.